Dust off your VHS copy of Passport to Paris. Because this ain’t it.

Welcome to 888 Things to Do in Paris, a bi-weekly newsletter that showcases the best the city of lights has to offer. And by “best,” I am, of course, referring to world class experiences such as:

• Popping out two babies during a global pandemic

• Engaging in a years-long hostile grudge at your local Monoprix

• Avoiding the beach at all costs

• Getting debilitating food poisoning from [redacted]

• Navigating diabolical expat mom Facebook groups

• Bombing interviews at prestigious private elementary schools

• Cleaning up dog vomit at everyone’s favorite Instagrammable anglophone bookstore

Why should I subscribe? My inbox is already on fire.

Picture this: you are sifting through Black Friday marketing emails, Google cal invites, and Doctolib reminders when you suddenly come across a short, concise newsletter that details all the fun you can have in Paris if you are a depressed, anxious gal-about-town home.

Subscribers get two of these gems a week. Yes, two — and believe me, these pay wall emails are full of juicy, lurid details. For example: did you know you can ▇▇ a ▇▇▇▇▇▇ with ▇▇▇▇ ▇▇, just by ▇▇▇▇ ▇▇▇▇▇▇ of your ▇▇▇▇? I know, shocking.