5. Endure DEI Training with French Coworkers

When I first moved to Paris, sometimes I would experience something that was so bizarre or off-putting that I would immediately write down exactly what happened, just for posterity. Over the years, this has happened less and less, but recently, I had to commit something to memory.

Diversity, Equity, & Inclusion Training, 6/29/23

10 AM:  We report to an off-site location in the 9eme, basically a swanky WeWork. The person facilitating the training is a white American lady from upstate New York. She does an endless 10 minute bit about France and their non-existent relationship to air conditioning. This gets a tepid response.

10:20 AM: She starts off the session by asking us what is the most taboo topic in France. I immediately think: race, money, sexual harassment, gender identity. But the correct answer, apparently, is: cultural misunderstandings. You know, like air conditioning.

10:30 AM: She makes everyone line up against the back wall to play a game. She reads off a series of statements. Any time the statement is true for you, you have to take a step forward. Statements include:

• I have never been the only one of my race or gender in a meeting.

• I have never heard a joke or comment made about my race or gender from a coworker.

• I regularly see people who look like me in commercials and ads.

(For that last one, I had recently been served an Insta ad for skin-whitening cream featuring a short Filipino lady. Score!)

My boss, a straight white dude, ends up winning the privilege-off, since he is able to get to the front of the room in just 6 steps. He celebrates like he just won the Tour de France.

10:40 AM: For the next exercise, we write down all of our main "markers of identity." (I write: Filipino, Asian American, woman, tired mom.) (I dunno, a 2.2 on the Kinsey scale??) Then we have to go and find someone who most closely resembles these identities and chat.

I corner the one other Asian person in the room, and we talk about how weird this whole thing is. We also briefly discuss which metro line we took to get here.

Then we have to find someone with completly opposite identity markers. I stumble upon the nearest white man, and we talk about how we are both parents. He is in upper level management though and has a nanny. We don't really share the same childcare duties. Welp.

10:50 AM: The moderator rolls out a long PowerPoint on cultural differences in the workplace. All the greatest hits are there: coconuts vs peaches, Myers-Briggs types, TikToks about Boomers vs Millennials vs Gen Z.

11:30 AM: The final exercise of the day: we have to fill in the blanks of this statement: I am _________, but I am not _________.

People are encouraged to read theirs aloud. The first guy stands up and proudly says, "I am French, but I regularly shower." This is met with solemn applause. Someone else says, "I am a woman, but I am not hormonal." More clapping, but slightly less so from all my fellow hormonal females.

12 PM: The session ends, and we are assigned a few Brené Brown podcasts as homework. Everyone goes off to enjoy a free lunch, and the training session is never mentioned again for the rest of the summer.