30. Improve Your Vocabulary

How do you know you're ready to begin applying for French citizenship? You can finally eavesdrop on other people's thirst.

My French teacher keeps asking me if I'm finally ready to take the required French test to apply for citizenship. I've mostly been unsure because I am a terrible test-taker, though I know I have to do it soon. But I never gave her a straight answer until recently, when divine intervention helped me decide. 

I was waiting for the bus by the office, and the bus shelter featured a billboard that rotated posters every few seconds. I was staring at it blankly when suddenly, there appeared a Calvin Klein ad featuring a very shirtless Jeremy Allen White in a denim vest, smoldering at all of us waiting for the bus.

There was an audible gasp from the two old women next to me.

"Who is that?" one asked in French.

"That is my type: strong but beefy," the other one said.

She used the word costaud for "beefy," a word I know because when my son was a baby, strangers on the street would exclaim how costaud he was, and then pinch his leg folds.

"But who is he?" The old lady asked again.

Even if they were speaking English, I don't think I would have interjected that the beefy man was an American actor who starred in a show where he shouted a lot and wore very tight white t-shirts.

By the time the shirtless photo reappeared, one of the old ladies took a photo of it. She explained that she would send the photo to her daughter, who would be able to identify the strong, beefy gentleman. She hit send and both women stared at the phone, waiting for the daughter to reply.

At this point, I was also invested, wondering if the daughter would know, too. While we waited, the shirtless photo appeared for a third time.

"He is not French," one of them observed.

"It doesn't matter. He's a hunk," her friend.

My vocabulary alarm went off again because she used the words "beau gosse" aka "handsome man" aka "hottie" aka "snack." Again, I only knew this phrase because I had the grave misfortune of watching one season of The Circle: France, where they were constantly referring to themselves as beaux gosses.